Before we begin, we should note here that this applies to masculine men in a heterosexual relationship with feminine women… the point of view I can see most clearly.
Like most thirty something year old men, I have listened to many of my friends (who shall remain nameless) complain about their wives and girlfriends. To be completely honest, and in the interest of full disclosure, I also did my fair share of complaining about the opposite sex when I was a kid who didn’t know any better. There are usually a variety of complaints, but I remember one in particular sticking out like a sore thumb. No, it’s not about surface level things like “she doesn’t put out enough”, or “she doesn’t cook”, or “she doesn’t get along well with my group of friends”. Rather, most of these complaints center around what most of my friends call the wife’s “irrational behavior”. An example of this “irrational behavior” is an instance when the woman in a man’s life asks him to do something and she gets deeply upset if he actually does what she asked for. I’m going to state the obvious… from a logical standpoint, that makes no sense at all! Being a naturally curious individual, I couldn’t help but wonder why the heck this sort of friction permeated many relationships so I looked deeper.
At first glance, some of these instances of irrational behavior look like straight up carnage. “Why the hell is she angry with me… especially since I just let her have her way instead of offering my opinion when she asked for it? Shouldn’t she be happy to be getting what she wants with little to no resistance?” Why did she just get angry at me for giving in to her desire to go to Iceland when I actually initially wanted to go to Rome? I just gave her what she wanted because I wanted peace… she should be happy right?” Well… as you will no doubt learn by either listening to grizzled and experienced veterans in the art of dealing with the feminine, or by getting hit in the head with a proverbial brick over and over again until you learn, you’re dead wrong.
After reading that last paragraph, i’m pretty sure that my 20 year old self would have cursed me out with a litany of profanities which we could distill into the following more politically correct sentence – “Ok genius, if you’re so smart why don’t you tell all of us what women want”. Well first of all, I don’t think I’m a genius… I just have an obsessive habit of paying attention to things that most people miss. Second, I think the answer to the question of what feminine women want is for their men to be “nice” to them. No, I don’t necessarily mean buying her gifts and showering her with compliments although those are things you should do in moderation to make her feel special and appreciated. Being “nice” here means that you should offer her parts of your masculine gift in a way that fills her with verve. You should be warned that she might not like this in the short term but if you stay consistent, there is a much greater chance that she will come to love you. Below are some examples of how you can make a conscious effort to be “nicer” to the woman in your life.
Have an opinion
Pass her “tests”
Help her solve problems
Make her laugh/laugh with her
Don’t forget the sensual
When your woman asks you what you want to do for dinner, or where you want to go on vacation, or where you’d like to raise children, HAVE AN OPINION. If she’s got a truly feminine core, she’ll get upset if you just shrug and say “whatever you want babe” too many times. By giving her your honest thoughts on these seemingly mundane issues, you are indirectly showing that you care about her and the relationship you share. You are offering her your very masculine gift of being able to make decisions and provide direction in the relationship which she’ll appreciate. Please note that this isn’t to say that women cannot provide good direction in their own lives, because they can. It is just that by giving a thoughtful response from a position of masculine strength that hopefully opens up a constructive discussion between the two of you, you’ll help her relax and trust you more. It will also make her more girly… and in my humble opinion, there is little else on this earth that is more attractive than that.
No matter who you are, your woman will test you at some point in your relationship. It’s annoying… I know, but getting angry at that fact of life in heterosexual relationships is like getting angry at the sun for always rising in the east. It is inevitable so you might as well be prepared for it. Feminine women throw tests at men in the same way masculine men can’t help but stare at a woman’s breasts… you know you shouldn’t be doing it, but most men do it anyway. Even if you have a platonic friendship with a girl, she will still test you in subtle ways to see if you have enough of a spine to stand up to her. An example of this might be when the woman in your life tries to get you to hang out with her when she knows full well that you have some work to do that you cannot get out of. If you acquiesce to her attempt to distract you from your mission, she might look happy on the surface but chances are she’ll feel really disappointed deep down inside. The whole point of these sorts of tests is to make sure that she is with a man who is strong enough to do the right thing even with her sometimes wild feminine energy and perhaps the entire world nipping at your heels. Throughout his presidency, Barack Hussein Obama was a perfect example of remarkable calm under fire… I personally don’t know how he did it, but working to emulate his ability to stay calm in agitating circumstances is a worthy goal.
This ain’t 1925 anymore guys! We have to help the girls around the house too or at least try not to constantly create ridiculous messes that they constantly have to clean up. Volunteer for diaper duty on some nights… volunteer to clean the dishes after she cooks… volunteer to cook on some nights etc. Find small ways to help her around the house and she’ll appreciate it.
One thing most balanced and secure women hate is needy guys that cling to them. If you don’t believe me, just go out and try it. Go to a bar or club and get needy with a girl that you just met who may have had an initially high level of attraction to you by following her around like a puppy dog, and bending to her every whim. Regardless of what continent you’re on, I’ll bet you $100 that as soon as she can excuse herself from your presence, you’ll never see her again. The reason for this is simple… by following her around excessively, you are showing a lack of direction in your life. If she can sway you in whichever way she wants, she won’t be able to trust you.
A very important note to my fellow men here. Being detached from your woman doesn’t mean you should treat her poorly or be a jerk. That is NOT okay under pretty much any circumstances. Rather, being detached means that you are on purpose in your life (making cupcakes for sale, playing the trombone, playing quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, serving as an entry level scientist in an academic lab, teaching grade school math… whatever) and that your woman is not the the most important thing in your life. You should love her deeply and cherish her presence when she graces you with it, but you shouldn’t need her to continue with your work and life. That is what detachment means. Counterintuitively, this is often highly attractive to the truly feminine woman even though she might logically tell you she doesn’t like it.
Feminine women are very emotional creatures who love to experience a wide gamut of emotions. To the truly feminine, the experience of all of the emotional states is very important. As a man, part of your job is to provide some of that emotional energy to your woman. A good way to do this is to make her laugh, and the nice thing here is that a woman who already likes/loves you will be prone to laughing at your jokes even if they’d probably cause you to get heckled off the stage at the local bar’s stand up comedy open mic. Pick her up and dance with her to some retro tunes when you are both at home (even if you are a bad dancer) she’ll love it and love you even more.
Let me let you in on a little secret – women love sex too perhaps even more than men do. The only thing is that they aren’t as “savage” about it as many men are. This means that rather than just having sex with your woman, you should practice making sweet delicate love with her. Take time to pleasure her over and over and over again rather than just getting yours and “rolling off” if you know what I mean. She will absolutely love you for it.
The above points are good general places to start but your own relationship is probably a unique circumstance that you will need to continually work to understand and eventually master. Maybe in addition to all the points above, your woman would like your support for her major hobby in which case you should go out and support her as much as you can provided it doesn’t compromise your mission in life. It is true that the onus doesn’t fall entirely on us men to improve the state of heterosexual relationships in our modern world because women also have a major part to play. That being said, we men are designed to lead by example so if I may, let me suggest that we take the reins here. I mean, we are so competitive in other areas of life (sports, our hobbies, work, politics, etc) why don’t we apply some of that drive to trying to be the most kickass partners for our prettier halves? On that note, I am signing off. From all of us here at chubaoyolu.org, please take care of yourselves and each other.
Oyolu B.C. Ph.D.